February 10  A Young Millerite-2

For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the archangel's call, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in christ will rise first; then we who are alive, who are left, shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air; and so we shall always be with the Lord. Therefore comfort one another with these words. 1 Thess. 4:16-18, RSV.

The religious journey isn't equally pleasant for everyone. That is especially true of those with a sensitive nature. And young Ellen was one of those sensitive ones.

Yesterday we found her "seized with terror" when as a child she first read about the nearness of the Advent. Her fear of the Second Coming stemmed from several sources. One was a deep sense of unworthiness. "There was in my heart," she penned, "a feeling that I could never become worthy to be called a child of God. . .It seemed to me that I was not good enough to enter heaven"(LS 21).

For years Ellen struggled with her fears Two false beliefs compounded her problem. The first was that she had to be good-or even perfect-before God could accept her. The second was that if she was truly saved she would have a feeling of spiritual ecstasy.

Her emotional darkness began to dissipate during the summer of 1841 when she attended a Methodist camp meeting at Buxton, Maine. There she heard in a sermon that all self-sufficiency and effort were worthless in gaining favor with God. She realized that "it is only by connecting with Jesus through faith that the sinner becomes a hopeful, believing child of God"(ibid., 23).

From that point forward she earnestly sought pardon for her sins and strove to give herself entirely to the Lord. "All the language of my heart was," she later penned, "'Help, Jesus; save me, or I perish!'" "Suddenly," she tells us, "my burden left me, and my heart was light"(ibid.).

But, she thought, this is too good to be true. As a result, she tried to reassume the load of distress and guilt that had been her constant companion. As she put it: "It seemed to me that I had no right to feel joyous and happy"(ibid.). Only gradually did she understand the wonder of the fullness of God's redeeming grace.

But in spite of her new understanding she continued to struggle with doubts because she did not always have the ecstatic feelings that she believed she had to have if she were truly saved. As a result, she continued to fear that she was not perfect enough to meet her Savior at His advent.

Does Ellen's reaction seem familiar? Many of us find it hard to believe that the gospel is really as good as God claims it is. In the end the solution is not feelings but reading God's promises for what they really say.

Help us, Lord, today in our unbelief.